![]() ![]() Things happen, adventure ensues (supposedly) and eventually Queen Padmé Amidala, her body double (Keira Knightly), Jar-Jar and the Jedi end up on Tatooine.Ī metaphor for the emotions the audience feels watching the film, Tatooine is a barren wasteland. ![]() This decrepit space rabbit tags along for whatever reason with the Jedi and takes them to his underwater city. Jar-Jar Binks, the not funny, not relieving, comic relief.Īnother character with heavily racist undertones and overtones (he has a Jamaican dialect, acts like an idiot and his species are wholly subservient to the ruling human class). After a few more insipid action sequences, we reach the zenith of cinematic…what’s the opposite of excellence? There’s no suspense, no drama, no tension.Īnyway, after a brief foray on Nute Gunray’s (again yes, that is the actual name of a character) spaceship, our beloved heroes have snuck down to the planet Naboo, in order to warn the Queen (Natalie Portman) of the impending invasion by the extrajudicial corporation. Well no, unless you find the prospect of guys with glow sticks knocking down sentient Lego soldiers exciting – because that’s what it feels like. Now enter the Jedi (Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor), Obi Wan Kenobi in his prime and his suave new master – finally, some excitement. If it were anymore racist Lucas would’ve had characters start blaming them for coronavirus. The Galactic Trade Federation – headed by the most racist Asian caricatures since WWII era Looney Tunes, are blocking imports and exports from the planet Naboo at the behest of the mysterious Darth Sidious (not a mystery). Who is the titular character? Is it Shiv (yes that’s his first name), Palpatine, or is it George Lucas’ ego? The thrilling opening to the long-awaited prequels begins with…a trade dispute? Okay then. So, I’m reviewing the Star Wars prequels!Įpisode I – The Phantom Menace. Much like the repentant zealot, if I subject myself to enough pain - hopefully, I can end our collective punishment. I don’t know how, I don’t why, but it was probably me. In the midst of our coronavirus induced nightmare, it’s clear this is somehow my fault. The degradation of my mind continues unabated.
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